– [David] I’m David,
what’s your name? – Lam.
– I (bleep) knew it. – This is Crack Me Up,
(emoji laughing) the show where two
comedians battle to see who has the best
jokes in the school yard. The goal is to make whoever’s in the hot seat laugh the most. The catch is the hot seat will try their
hardest not to crack. Round one is a tit-for-tat
style speed round. The comedians will have 90
seconds to go joke for joke. Each laugh gets a point, most
point wins the round, got it? Let’s go.
(bell rings) – So, down, I think
it’s deep down in there, if you look in there, ’cause
I had a issue the other day. – Oh, God. (laughs)
(bell pings) – Hey, do you want to see
a live version of Saturn? – All right.
(comedians laughs) – I don’t get it.
(buzzer buzzes) – Hey, can we get somebody who– – Saturn was a planet, brother. – Did you know that David left
his Jabberwocky mask here? – Oh, I see now.
(buzzer buzzes) – You want to make jokes? Look, I’m Teresa’s labias. There you go.
– Ew, no. (laughs) (bell pings)
– She laughed, got it. – You ever had the clap?
(clapper claps) – Oh. (laughs)
(bell pings) – This is what
Rome’s mom looks like every time she took him
to school in the morning. (comedians laugh)
(buzzer buzzes) It’s cause you’re
white, you don’t get it. (comedians laugh)
– You are a racist. – Punkie left her strap-on
over here, I don’t know if you want to take it home?
– Ooh, yeah, (buzzer buzzes)
I’m good. That’s kind of gross. – Girl, stop acting like
you wouldn’t take it. (everyone laughs) – Well, let’s see this, I
know white people are racist. Hello, does this work?
(bell pings) Oh my god, it worked, are
you (bleep) kidding me? (everyone laughs) Yo, tell me right now,
black people, real quick, you knew the
(bleep) roller joke. Tell me she did not– (everyone laughs)
– (bleep) Dude. – [Rome] She’s still
laughing, those are points. – Yo, Charlie, how did you not get the (bleep)
Saturn joke, tell me? – You got one.
– Hello. – I’m just fishing for a joke. – Cute.
(buzzer buzzes) (bell ringing) – [Announcer] In this
round, each comedian has 60 uninterrupted seconds
to tell their best jokes. Each laugh gets a point,
most points wins the round. – Men are from Mars.
– Uh oh. – Women are from Venus.
– Uh oh. – Both of you–
– Don’t say it. – May not have penises. (everyone laughs) (bell pings) – [David] Okay,
that made me laugh. – [Punkie] He laughed. – Heard you got a fiancee so
I don’t want to get flirty, I thought you was
wearing off-white but you shirt’s
just dirty. (laughs) (everyone laughs) – Oh, hilarious.
(bell pings) – That’s funny
because I’m also poor. (everyone laughs) – Listen, the joke, you
should think of another, you look like an Asian
train conductor. (laughs) (everyone laughs) (bell pings)
– Ey, ey, ey, you don’t hug in battle rap,
chill, hey, bitch. – Yeah, yeah, good stuff.
– Yeah, yeah. – If we talkin’
about rap, homie… – Oh, (bleep) who is
this, who is this? – I already said
the word faster. You stupid, you look like
a Haitian youth pastor. (everyone laughs)
(bell pings) – What? – This is the last (bleep), and
the last bar I’m going to say. You so dark, when you
stand next to that wall, you just look like an alleyway. (everyone laughs)
(bell pings) – This an alleyway?
– He like this. (bell rings) – [Announcer] The
third and final round is called Word Play. In this round each
comedian will rip off the word they pull from the hat. Most laughs not only win
the round, but the game. – Becky, is that yo’ mom’s name? – [David] That’s funny. (everyone laughs) – [Rome] Come on, go on, then. (buzzer buzzes)
(Rome groans) – You can’t force
one out, that’s not a
dookie, come on now. Hairstyles, something that
you might need to change. (everyone laughs)
(bell pings) – That’s a good one. Jobs, come on now. This is what I’m
going to be out of. (everyone laughs) – I don’t need a
good joke, I pass. – Here we go, pets, something white people
like more than their kids. (everyone laughs) – [Rome] That’s, (bell pings)
that’s a good one. Okay, lickety split,
that’s Punkie’s nickname. (everyone laughs)
(bell pings) – That’s good.
– Ey, you made me laugh. – I lick it, then I split. (everyone laughs) – The cookout, what
I’m not invited to. (Charlie laughs)
(buzzer buzzes) – Pumpernickel, you eat
this on all your sandwiches. (everyone laughs)
(bell pings) – What is pumpernickel?
– Pumpernickel bread. – Hey, it worked.
(bell rings) – [Announcer] Round
three ended in a tie, so that means we’re hitting
a bonus round, The Roast. Let’s get it. – You look like a kid that
Michael Jackson adopted. (everyone laughs)
And escaped. (bell pings) You actually look
like Michael Jackson. (everyone laughs) – You look like you sat down
in the barber chair and said, “Ey, do half a job.” (everyone laughs)
(bell pings) You look like vanilla, iced tea.
(everyone laughs) You look like pre-teen wolf. (everyone laughs)
(bell pings) I think I came back strong.
– Pre-teen wolf. (bell rings) – [Announcer] And
the winner is Rome. – Aw, (bleep).
– Oh! – It was that
pre-teen wolf joke. – It was the pre-teen. You know what I’m saying? – Pre-teen wolf,
that’s what won it. (everyone laughs) – Yeah, (bleep) yeah. I just want to thank all the
Haitian and Jamaican teachers out there.
(everyone laughs) Doing their thing,
I’m just tryna, ey, I appreciate you all, man. We out, man.
– We out.