How I gamed online data to meet my match: Amy Webb at TEDxMidAtlantic

How I gamed online data to meet my match: Amy Webb at TEDxMidAtlantic


Translator: FNU Swati
Reviewer: Doreen Litke So, my name is Amy Webb and my story starts six years ago. I was in not the best relationship although it started really well and I thought that the person I was with was the person I would wind up marrying and our relationship
came to a somewhat abrupt end. And I was devastated. But I looked around at my friends and my family members and the people that I knew and the people that I admired and realized that there were a lot of people who were divorced there were a lot of people
in pretty bad relationships and a whole bunch of people who were generally not happy. And I thought,
“What’s wrong with all of us?” Right? We’re all smart people. There’s got to be something wrong. Maybe there’s something wrong with me? And so I consulted my friends and my family and my grandmother who — in between mahjong games — said, “Play the Field!” “Stop being so picky!” “You got to go out with everybody!” And most importantly, “True love will find you when you’re least expecting it.” Now, we’ve all heard this before and you may not come from the same background that I do
but I’m a numbers person. I’m a data and math person. And “least expecting”
my way in the true love made no mathematical or scientific sense. But online dating did. I had a whole bunch of people suggesting me
that I try online dating websites and to me that seems a lot easier —
going trough that sort of data — than trying to find somebody in real life. So i decided to create a couple of profiles I went to Jdate, which is a site for Jewish people and I went to match.com. Now the problem was
that I had a very full schedule and the last thing I wanted to do
was to sit down and start answering
a whole bunch of questions as if I was taking some kind of Cosmo quiz — this is gonna shock all of you but I am not a Cosmo quiz kind of woman. (Laughter) So I did what any woman
in my position would do I copied and pasted from my resume (Laughter) including bullet points! So I had worked tirelessly to make sure that my resume was spectacular and I was quite proud of all of my
professional accomplishments so I listed all of those along with some other highlights like the fact that I spoke fluent Japanese and I was also fluent in CSS and Javascript. (Laugher) Now, obviously we all know now that this was not a good idea but I want to take you back to 6 years ago. You see, work was really important to me and I feel very much that my professional life defines who I am also, and perhaps most importantly this bullet point resume
that I copied and pasted onto my online dating profile didn’t prevent me from finding dates in fact, these algorithms, at Jdate, Match had stuck me with plenty of people. And we went on truly awful dates For example there was Steve, the IT guy. Now, online he seemed spectacular He said he was 6 feet tall, muscular. He was a foodie who liked to cook and an IT manager, who loved gadgets. The problem, as I soon realized was that Steve in real life was a very short 6′ tall and quite stocky he did like gadgets and he was an IT manager but one of the things that I realized
when we went out was that he liked to order
lots and lots of food that was very very expensive. So he ordered all kinds of dishes the most expensive bottle of wine on the menu and when the bill came he actually pushed it towards me on the table. Now, I am a modern woman and I am totally ok
with paying the bill sometimes and splitting the bill sometimes. But I didn’t order all of that and the bill came up to what at the time, was an entire month’s rent for me so reluctantly I pulled up my credit card and I thought, “That’s it, you know,
we’re done. I’m leaving.” Outside the restaurant,
he tried to shake my hand and I said, “This is interesting, thank you.” And I started to walk towards my car and Steve ambled laboriously behind me and as he’s walking,
said, “Do you smoke?” and I said, “No, I don’t”. “So do you mind if I do?” And I thought, “At this point,
am I going to be able to stop him?” So he pulls out of his pocket this thing this giant thing that didn’t quite
look like a cigarette and didn’t quite look like a cigar it was in fact a giant joint a roadside flare of weed. (Laughter) And out in the middle of everybody he lit this thing up and asked me if I wanted to take a puff. Okay. So obviously this was a terrible date but it’s one of just many many terrible dates and after each I would go home I would call my mom,
I would call my sister, and tell them what an awful time that I had had,
and they said every single time,
“Stop complaining! You’re just being too picky.” And I thought,”That’s ridiculous”. Right, I’m gonna start showing them empirically that these are
really terrible dates. So I’m going to do three things. I agreed to continue
with my grandmother’s advice to date everybody until ‘least expect’
my way into true love, but I did that with some parameters. I would only meet men at bars that I knew had wi-fi. I carried a giant bag with me and my laptop inside where, once we were at the date they would invariably go
terribly terribly wrong, I would pull out an email template that I had created in advance where I had different data points that I would track so that, when the date went bad I could show with empirical evidence and quantitatively why this entire thing was a ridiculous exercise. So I would send out these email templates (Laughter) and I was tracking things like the number of times the guy
tried to high-five me. If you want to touch me,
by all means, touch me, but don’t force me
to stick my hand in the air. And the number of times he abused the English language and overtime I had amassed quite a bit of data. (Applause) And that allowed me
to make some correlations. For example — (Laughter) For example, the number of times
I got high fived the more times that guy was to abuse
the English language. The more shots he ordered, the more likely he was to lie
about his job. And speaking of alcohol, for some reason,
and I still can’t figure out why, Scotch drinkers were more likely to immediately talk about kinky sex right when we sat down, than anybody else. And this may not be surprising, but lawyers were 62% more likely to pull up their mobile phone
and stare into it than me, and compared
to some of the other people that I went out with. Now listen, these weren’t necessarily bad guys they were just bad for me but the problem, actually were the dating algorithms that we’ve all come to rely on those of us who are online. Now to be sure, algorithms in dating are actually not a new thing in history we’ve had matchmakers in every culture and my culture is Jewish and we had matchmakers, too and the matchmakers for us
would be looking at things like whether or not the girl and the boy
would get along, what the rabbi would say, whether the community would agree, whether or not they’d have kids and even I,
in the process of setting up my friends and coworkers when asked had sort of my own formula
that I was using. Would they have the same interests? Would they get along? And what was the probability
that this entire thing was gonna become a pain in my ass for which I’d be paying later on. So I want to fast forward to the worst date ever and I’m gonna spare you the details but let’s summarize by saying
I smoked an entire pack of cigarettes and went through a whole bottle of wine in a short amount of time. And then in my drunken state
called my sister and I said, “That’s it. I’m done. “I’m finished with online dating sites.” And she said to me, “Don’t do that.
Don’t you remember Mary Poppins?” I said, “What are you talking about?
Mary Poppins?” And she said, “Remember in the movie how the kids had gone through
all of those nannies and none of them worked
and what did they do?” Does anybody remember? They made a list. Right? Those two kids started writing down every single possible thing they could want in a nanny and once they had that list it wound up going up a chimney and poof! Mary Poppins appeared. And I thought, “That’s it, Hillary You’ve nailed it. I’m going to stop “least expecting” all of this. I’m going to create my own
Mary Poppins list to find a husband.” And so in my drunken state
that’s exactly what I did. I started writing. (Laughter) And I wrote down
every single possible thing that I could think of, from height to the amount of body hair that I found acceptable to the kind of musicals that I would agree to listen to and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote. And by the end of this exercise I had come up with 72 attributes — things that I was going to demand in any person that I would date
from here on out. Now, 72 seems like a lot and I had a whole bunch of scrawled notes and it was really hard to,
sort of figure out you know, who would meet
all of those qualifications. I had to parse that list. So I thought about all of the people
that I’d ever dated and what things on that list the good things that they had in common. I thought about the attributes
that were important to my family because my family and I are very close and there are lots and lots of them and the last thing I need
is any more complaining. And attributes that were important to me. And once I had all of that figured out I came up with a list of weighted scores so I had my top tier list and my secondary list. And in my top tier list were points that were pretty high, I had lots of different things. So I wanted someone
who was Jew-ish, like me. Not religious but very culturally tied, everything. I also wanted somebody who would want to have kids with me so these are pretty normal things. But I also thought that the stuff
on my second tier list was just as important. So I weighted those slightly differently and I was very specific about what I wanted so I was looking for somebody, for example, who liked to travel but not cruise-ship travel that’s not what I would call traveling. I wanted somebody who was ready to strap on a backpack and get out and hike around. I was also looking for somebody
who was not fat and not skinny, but would always weight
20 pounds more than I did — (Laughter) — regardless of what
I weighed at that moment. So, anyhow — I had my top tier and my second tier and now that I had all of this figured out still in the same night
in my drunken state, I developed a scoring system so for 700 points,
I would agree to email the guy for 900 points I would go on a date and for 1500 points I would consider him for a long-term relationship. So I had set some minimum thresholds and I thought, “This is really, really smart.” Right? I am no longer
gonna go out with everybody . I’m gonna have to only go out with men who meet these different criteria. And so when I went back in I found Eric1971. He looked pretty good. I liked the way that his profile sounded, I liked the things that he wrote and as I started scoring him on a scrolled matrix I found that too many of the things from my list fell below the middle line and so as a result of that I saved myself a terrible date. Right, and having to send out a bunch of emails. Then I found Jewishdoc57 which, I have to tell you, he was really good looking, but he also specifically in his profile said that he liked to travel
and not cruise-ship travel, and I thought, “I’ve hit the jackpot”. My system is definitely working. I put him on a matrix and everything was
above that middle line. I had created my own sort of algorithm and my own way to personalize these online dating websites so that I could use them as databases for my own
individual tastes and needs. There’s one problem with that, I realized that if I thought Jewishdoc57 was so amazing there were probably some people
out there who did too. So, still in my drunken state I decided to take a look. And that’s when I found Smileygirl1978. SmileyGirl was very short and very thin and said that she was silly,
nice and friendly and has a “genuine” sense of humor. Who is this horrible woman? And why can’t she spell? Well, SmileyGirl picked my interest, so I went deeper in and found that I had some problems because while all of these women looked pretty much and sounded
pretty much the same, when comparing them to the photos
that I had posted, I saw that perhaps I had a problem. And that my perfect 1500 point man may not think that I was so perfect back. I also looked at the way that they were describing themselves so whereas I had
my entire resumé posted they just used aspirational language and sounded like they were
really fun to hang out with At that moment I knew
that I needed to be fearless. It was time to join JDate as a man! (Laughter) True story! So I ran a little experiment. I created 10 male profiles that each fit the archetype of the perfect point man
that I had developed And when I say, “Created 10 user profiles”, I didn’t just go in and type in some stuff the way that I did the first time around. I created 10 separate characters with huge amounts of data
associated with each. I knew what their favorite foods were, I knew that one was
in a battle with his sister and they didn’t get along
because of something that happened in a car at a family vacation. I knew these men inside and out and they all scored
the minimum threshold of points for me to date them. And my goal here with these 10 men
was to learn. I wanted to find out why the women who were popular
on these dating websites — because the algorithm
certainly [wasn’t] helping me, right? I wanted to know
why they were popular. So I looked at their vocabulary
and language I looked at the length
of the profiles they had their senses of humor, how they describe their career, I looked at their height and their weight,
what they were listing. I looked at photos, and I was also categorizing the amount of time that it took for them to make the first interactions. My family always said I couldn’t possibly
email or talk to a guy first, that I would seem too aggressive. That I had to wait for them to come to me and I wanted to find out if that was true. So started collecting data over that month and I was looking at both
qualitative and quantitative data. Qualitative data show
that aspirational language like “love” and “like” and “fun” would never describe
something like a building as “fun.” But I learn that the popular women do. I was also looking at quantitative data. Now we all think that everybody
lies about their weight. Would you believe that more women online are actually lying about their height? rounding significantly down, than are lying about their weight? It’s one of the interesting things
that I found out. After this month I had enough data now to create what I called a super profile. It was an amalgam of what I had found
from the popular women that was very much personalized to me. And that’s when I gamed the system. So I created a new profile with different photos I was honest about
my height and my weight. I can’t help the fact that I’m 5’6″
and not a size 2. But I did shorten
what I had originally written in my profile significantly. I now used aspirational language, I mentioned my career
but it wasn’t the focus. And suddenly I was
the most popular woman on all of these websites. I had a full inbox for the first time in my entire life. I had men coming at me
from every direction, every single guy
out there wanted to date me. And what that allowed me to do, was to go back in
and from this enormous pool of men apply my own framework,
my own algorithm if you will, and the problem in doing this was that even the best of the men
that were out there only scored 650 points. My friends and family said, “Are you nuts? Everybody out there
wants to go out with you. You’re still being too damn picky!” And that’s when I found this guy. So, immediately I like the way that he looked I’m into baldies. I really loved what he wrote as his job — he said that he was
an arctic baby seal hunter (Laughter) — and I thought he was pretty awesome. And, since he immediately
scored 800 points I thought – you know –
maybe my system is working. So we started chatting, I emailed him first. My data showed me
that I was able to do that, unlike what my grandmother
had said my entire life, it was ok to be a little aggressive. I waited 20 to 22 hours
until our next interaction although it pained me greatly
every single time. I didn’t get specific about my job, the specific things that I like to watch, or the specific places that I like to go to, until our third interaction. In the meantime I kept scoring him. Three weeks later we went out on our first date. It lasted 14 hours and it was one of the most amazing dates of my entire life. At the end of that date,
I went back home, and I scored him again. He went over the 1000 point threshold and I thought, “You know what? This entire time that I’ve been listening
to everybody’s advice. I haven’t been picky enough! I was too afraid to go out there and ask for and demand
what I really wanted.” Well, a year after that first date we were traveling in Petra, Jordan. Real traveling, when he got down on his knee, and asked me to marry him. We called my parents,
they were thrilled, and a year after that
we were married. A year after that our daughter,
Petra, was born. (Applause) So obviously I’m very happy
and having a fabulous live but what does this mean for all of you? (Laughter) Well, what this means,
whether or not you’re single, is that you have to be fearless, and if everybody around you is telling you that you shouldn’t be asking for the things that you really want, tell them to take a hike. It’s ok to be fearless and to ask for what you really want and to demand it. And whether or not you’re dating
or doing something else, develop your own set of data points and your own framework. Construct one
for qualitative and quantitative analysis and start gaming your own system. So I wrote a book about all of this, and it’s called “Data, a love story”
it’s on pre-order now. It will be in bookstores
all over the place Jan, 31st. I hope you want to read it
and to tell everybody else to read it. And that’s it, thank you very much. (Applause)

100 thoughts on “How I gamed online data to meet my match: Amy Webb at TEDxMidAtlantic

  1. In her original talk, "Steve" takes off and leaves her with the bill. She says he goes to the bathroom and doesn't come back.

  2. If a man refuses to marry a woman because she is Jewish, he will probably be accused of being anti-semitic. Then, what is it about a Jewish woman that refuses to marry a non-Jewish man ?

  3. I'm a Jewish guy (atheist really). I attended a party where I spoke with a female Jewish Psychologist. She did her doctoral dissertation proving that Jewish men who married non-Jewish women had a lower level of ego-strength than those who married Jews.

    I married a non-Jewish woman, so I was pretty offended. She said her research had proven her point.

    I suggested that her research was driven by a need to explain to her mother why she was 30 and unmarried.

    We didn't talk again.

  4. Worst Dates:
    #1: Jewish Girl, spent the entire date returning items at Nordstroms.

    #2: FORMER Scientologist who turned out to be a RABID Scientologist.

    #3: Phillipa American Princess. looks 8, personality 2.

    #4: The Stalker. Picked a fast food restaurant. Left the comedy club after 30 minutes. Spent 60 minutes parked down the block from her ex's home (with me in the car), seeing if he was alone.

  5. If a man is truly refusing to marry a woman because she's Jewish, he might be anti-Semitic. If he's refusing to marry her because she's not Christian, not Muslim, or whatever, no problem.

    In a conversation about online, a Christian friend once asked if I wanted to marry a Jewish woman. I said that I did, and then asked if he wanted to marry a Christian woman. He thought about it and realized that he did. It was a good laugh all around.

  6. What i got from this video is simple, she is a failure as a women and she used the oldest trick in the book "lying" by creating a "super" profile to con a poor man into marriage.

    She wrote a book about it, she is doing lectures to further make her husband a living punch line… Can we all say that she don't respect him, and therefore she is settling and her story is more about the power of the baby clock ?

  7. Oh, I never met a Jewish woman lacking in ego strenght…

    You could cut a dimond with the ego of most Jewish women I know.

  8. No, she isn't right.

    She was 30, single, and still living under the sword of her mother's opinion. Which, by the way, is why she was 30 and single.

    The blonde shiksa on my arm probably didn't help either.

    As for my pride in my heritage, its based on our accomplishments, our humor, our love of learning and our love of family. Not the angry guy in the sky.

    The narrow minded members of the tribe have a hard time with that, I know…

  9. Funny how those with low egos lash out when confronted with the truth. You might not thank me today but a good period of introspection should bring you back to normality.

  10. So now you have anointed yourself as speaker of the TRUTH?

    And not only that, I should be grateful to you for attempting to inserting your superstitions into my life.

    I hate to break this to you Rabbi, but I think your definition of "normal" and mine don't exactly line up.

    Tell you what, why don't you take your burning bush impersonation somewhere else. I'm not buying crazy these days.

  11. You don't even understand "period of introspection" so why should I think you capable of understanding anything else?

  12. If thats you in the video's on your channel, I don't think you are going to be around long enough for me to have a "period of introspection."

    Maybe we should just agree to disagree so you can enjoy the time you've got left.

  13. I can only have intelligent conversations with intelligent people, sadly for now this will not be possible with you.

  14. I have always found it paradoxical that the religious set such high standards for discourse.

    I mean, for a group who have proven they will believe anything based on almost nothing you guys get very snippy when someone displays doubt…

  15. Standards are there because we like to discuss issues with people who know what they are talking about because they have actually studied the subject rather than mere neh saying because they like to be argumentative.

  16. Mr. Gross, really…

    When one talks about religion it is always a minion of fools.

    If I selected 10 people at random from this planet I guarantee you that a consensus could not be formed on how many gods there are, let alone finer points such as who that god or gods may be.

    Some call admitting that wisdom, others call it being "argumentative."

    As Christopher Hitchens would say, the only difference between you and I is that I believe in one fewer god than you do.

  17. On the one hand your only redeeming feature is that you parrot Hitchens rather than express your own views, on the other hand you seem incapable of forming your own opinion due to ignorance of the facts. Perhaps Hitchens is a ventriloquist and you are his mindless mannequin in which case I would rather continue this discussion directly with him.

  18. I can understand your preference for Mr. Hitchens, but he is not available.

    I can't help but notice you've made no attempt to defend your position, but instead make ad hominem attacks.

    You know, Hitchens took an ad hominem as a sign of victory. He believed that anyone not able to refute his point attacked him instead.

    Your god calls out for a champion and this is the best you can do?

    Not a surprise, but disappointing none the less.

  19. The thing is that you do not need a scientist to know that looking for "adventure" and "gaming to have fun" will get you lots of male attention on a dating site. Though most of this would hardly be the kind of attention she was looking for.

  20. She's a total liar and made up most of the stories for her presentation. Check her other vid, about her first date and the food bill, she says he walked off and left her the bill. Here it's a different story ,

  21. Yup, noticed. She should probably give a warning at the beginning of the talk that an indefinite amount of details have been embellished for the purpose of making the talk more entertaining. Still interesting and fun, though.

  22. So did the I.T. guy skip out on her, or did he really leave her the bill? I think someone is pandering for sympathy here…

  23. In another TED Talk she said Steve, the IT Guy, ordered a huge amount of food and wine, then left to the restroom and never returned, stiffing her with the $1400 bill. This is a big discrepancy from her report in this TED Talk where she says he pushed the bill toward her and followed her outside the restaurant. Makes me wonder how much of her presentations are the truth. Otherwise, she is very entertaining. Her other TED Talk is much better than this one.

  24. She could have saved a helluva lot of time filling the "questionnaires" properly instead of taking weeks to develop a ludicrously complex system for dating essentially superfluous in nature. Anyone with a shred of common sense would know not to copy and paste their resume onto an online website. Ah well, at least she's able to forge another living from an undoubtedly nugatory book on fortuitous love.

  25. Who cares about the IT guy and the bill. This is online dating and it is real. And filling out those questionnaires to get better matches is total BS. None of the matches I am being sent are men I would consider. But then again, I might be too picky too…

  26. Boy that is one negative spin!
    In her defense. She wasn't dishonest on her profile, she just dumbed things down to the vagueness of your average online dating profile. And how far can one keep a con going? I mean, her appearance and intelligence are evident after a few dates.
    I think she portrays her husband as a perfect knight in shining armor, if anything. I'd certainly chub up if my girl felt I met this woman's tier 1 (e.g. dynamite in bed).
    If he's 6''1 and 180 lbs, she def didn't settle.

  27. It's good that you could custom order a man. That means you will have less to change about him later on.
    What you need lady, is a huge Ken doll and one that will put up with your manipulative nature.

  28. I feel like people here are arguing over the wrong things and not seeing the importance of her talk/algorithm/success (or maybe just threatened by the idea that an algorithm can be just as capable if not more so than human intuition in such a deep human aspect such as love/mating).

    Leaving all the personal attacks on her and her family aside AND forgetting about Steve as either a fictitious or real guy let's consider her main point of deduction: that she created an algorithm for what she valued, gathered data (whether ethical or not) about base rates, and created a formula that worked for HER in the end. What is so wrong with the idea that algorithms can be used to help individuals, especially in the heart breaking realm of love?

    It seems to me that anyone who is single should not be so quick to dismiss her idea until they have tried it for themselves? If anything she is providing single people a way to actually enhance their dating lives through intelligent analysis. 

  29. Her grandma was right, she's too picky. She's not very pretty (a 4 out of 10 at best) so I was surprised when she said she would only be attracted to 1/10th of the jewish men of the right age in Philadelphia. The fact that she didn't even factor in the possibility that only a fraction of those men would actually be attracted to her shows her hubris. Women who look like her can't afford to be too picky, if she lived by that mantra she wouldn't even need to consider online dating.

  30. Just imagine for a minute if every woman was this picky!  You'd end up with 100% of women dating 2% of men, in time creating some sort of elite class.  The good looking ones didn't like her back fortunately.  She realized she had to alter her fussiness to a lifestyle/personality criteria only.  The problem is how many people have the skills and knowledge to use these statistics and algorithms??? Not many and I still think she was lucky!  

  31. this is the first ted talk I don´t like… It is sad that she let her family and friends tell her how to behave for so long. It is sad that she didn´t find out how to show the woman she was until she studied other women´s profiles… she sounds harsh towards everybody who doesn´t act the way she likes, even her grandma. Why is this a ted talk?

  32. I'm confused.  I watched Amy's other video and she said that Steve went to the bathroom before the bill came and she was forced to pay the whole bill herself and she never saw Steve again. HMMMM.

  33. She acts like an ESTJ (from MBTI). Very arrogant… Her facial expression default mode is sour-faced and displeased (I can tell from how her facial muscles have formed) – she has to really struggle to make a big smile. Her husband will grow to despise her bossiness. I wonder if she got skinnier after marriage? The only type of guy who would settle for her is a guy who has near-zero dating experience.

  34. Men are constantly berated for wanting the perfect 10 in terms of looks, personality etc. Especially when they are anything less than a 10 themselves. But a woman who isn't even a 5 has a list demanding a 10, and gets it?

    Society has completely different norms for men and women.

    For women:
    "Don't settle for anything less"

    For men:
    "You're lucky to have someone"

  35. This was absolutely awesome! I love that she didn't rely on OTHER people's data points (wants, needs, assumptions, values) and instead customized it based upon her own wants and needs! I also love that she was really honest with herself about what she wanted – without guilt- because at the end of the day, no matter what OTHER people think of how she feels (shallow, rude, obnoxious, too picky) SHE'S the one that has to be happy with the man that she picks when she closes the door behind her at night – not them!

    Not only that but anyone who tells her that she "shouldn't be so picky" are really saying that SHE should settle and I guess what? I wonder if they took their own advice and made concessions and dated the "ehhh – he's alright" guy instead of admitting what they wanted! I bet if they did take their own advice that might be the reason that they're being so negative in this comment section. Because deep down inside THEY are the ones that are unhappy and still haven't caught on that the only way you can get what you want is to think of what you want and then figure out how to get it!  Interestingly enough – while the negative ones are so busy complaining about her and shooting holes through her method, she's too busy being happy with her man to notice! 😉

  36. 16:44  She thinks someone calling himself an "Arctic baby seal hunter" is the type who'd make a good father with moral character? Some things just aren't funny. A Jewish Ted Nugent might be up her alley.

  37. Since she disabled all comments on "How I Hacked Online Dating", I'll post my comments here. The reason Amy Webb had so much trouble with online dating stares her right in the face, every time she looks in a mirror. It's the same reason why "non-online dating" obviously never worked for her either, ergo the attempts at online dating. Calling her "plain" would be a supreme compliment. Not calling her at all would be more likely. In an attempt to awaken her to reality, I HEREBY CALL FOR A VOTE ON THIS WOMAN'S APPEARANCE ON THIS SITE. I'LL START THE BIDDING WITH A SOLID, HONEST 3 OUT OF 10. That's the REAL reason she had to settle for a bald-headed baby seal hunter. 

  38. I just want to know, when she made the fake male profiles, whose pictures did she use? I can't imagine girls messaging a guy who doesn't have multiple pictures. 

  39. I think she's used online dating in a practical way, but I also think she's been LUCKY. I would like to know how many other people have used this technique and not not had success.

  40. Jesus freakin Christ, it's a pit hold down here in the comments. How easy is it for many of you guys commenting to throw dirt at this woman and attack her personal choices. Also those commenting on how "ugly" she is, have you forgotten that beauty's in the eye of the beholder? Fucking hell, can you stop being so hateful as you cozy down on your chair and spit mean comments safely from behind a screen. I don't agree with all her methods, however I found it entertaining. If you have nothing positive to say, then don't say anything at all.

  41. in her original video she complained that the guys online werent good looking, but she chose a guy who wasnt that good looking

  42. I'd rather spend the rest of my life single than living with a "man" who murders defenceless baby animals as an occupation – I hope there is such a thing is Karma

  43. TED video has comments disabled so I looked further as I didn't trust that.

    This women a racist who also discriminates men on their financial assets. And off course this long list of demands she has. No wonder she had to resort to online dating. She reject non-Jews but and gets away with it whilst others have been fired for telling on Craigslist or a dating site they don't want black women. Double standards here.

    The reason she failed online dating attempts were because of her unattractive profile including photos which only validated her bad looks. Then she changed her profile and and put up fresher looking pics and then it worked. Has NOTHING to do with her so called smart system.

    She has a bad aura and looking at the comments she's a liar too (I didn't see the original TED video).

    No wonder TED closed the comments section.

  44. How did she get all the data to score all the men that were messaging her? Did she look at every single person's profile and try to extract data from that?

  45. Replace "Jewish" with Arian Race and see how a little moustache starts to grow on her face. Feel sorry for the victim at the end of the story. What a calculating cold woman.

  46. So after all that time and research she concluded that she needed better pics and a better more fun and upbeat profile……I can't tell if she's really smart or really fkn stupid.

  47. I'm a man and I've thought about posting fake profiles of women to get ideas about what the popular men say/do that I don't. I wonder where she got all the photos for her fake male profiles? I where would I get them to make fake female profiles? I bet what she really did is hacked into the dating website and deleted her competitor's messages to the men she liked or changed the photo that was attached to the message they were sending so they looked ugly. What if someone who worked at the dating site also had a profile and manipulated other people's communications to their advantage?

  48. This is now the 2nd teld talk about dating that sucks actually a lot. Why are all the ted talks held from women?? That's totally uninteresting for a man (who knows a little about online dating) the challenges for men are very different than for women. 2ndly what made this talkl boring is: It never got explained HOW she became the most liked profile – that is where the music plays. Her grading sheme for evaluating dates is purely for women interesting…

  49. I watched How I hacked online dating | Amy Webb where comments vere disable. So I search a clip were they weren't, just to say that this is most embarrass TED Talk I have seen. This so lame.

  50. I saw the other video. This woman is a TERRIBLE PERSON. The IT guy that dump the +1000 USD bill on her is (if that´s true) my new hero. And if you are a 6+ feet dude with academic degrees, smart and funny, what are you doing with this cynic lump of lard?

  51. Men in this comment section are SHOOK. They feel so threatened that an "average-looking" woman had the ~audacity~ to ask for what she wanted and not settle. 😂😂

  52. Well, finally settling for an 'arctic baby seal hunter' doesn't sound too picky to me. Quite the contrary. It was clearly a last ditch effort by a desperate, unhappy woman. And just remember, do unto others …

  53. I am a woman, hear me… catfishing guys! It's cool when I do it though and since it's for science and all, so dont be crybabies! (the moral synopsis)

  54. Well I have to give credit where it's due. This was posted back in 2012 and they already had 2-3 years and a kid behind them at the time. Marriage still going. Argue all you want but it clearly worked for her.

  55. If a man stood there and condemned women for their physical characteristics, even those they can do something about, he'd be loudly booed off the stage and probably fired from his job and unable to find another.

  56. She nailed it! It's just sales people. Ask for what you want and go get it. Online dating makes easier then ever to meet someone.

  57. She is a really intelligent lady but doesn't she realize on her checklist that her ideal partner being a doctor or high powered professional and him being able to spend time with her, conflict with each other. This also seems like acting though. Everyone trying to put on a fake positive act just so they can get a partner and not die alone. tbh the reason why some people don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend is because of severe depression/anxiety and the drugs don't work. it sucks for us

  58. As a guy 2 weeks divorced after a 17 year marriage I don't know if I should be scared at how singles think or happy that so many men have lowered the bar for me to look spectacular by not being a nut case.

  59. A classic approach by a numbers woman. Women pick tools to help them become better. This works mostly for the short term breeding part of the relationship. Men eventually want to find someone who they don't feel like is testing them constantly. Especially if they have a some balls. Some beta men will stick with a controlling partner because they lack self confidence in individualism. Some women want to be the Alfa and they look for male batas. Really a good relationship that has a long term possibility is when either the partner finds joy in giving or they have the same personal ideals and Achieve them at equal levels. This story is one that is positive but not one to follow unless you want a certain kind of numbers relationship. If you are about passion, spontaneity Adventure and unpredictability this approach would literally drive you mad!

  60. If you want to attract a Man. Be a Woman. If you want to control a man find a beta man. I think as a man you should be a gentleman and treat you date as a person first. If you see her as a real human with feelings and insecurities just like you. You will have better relationships with them. When you play the game you relationship will be a game.

  61. She became the most popular person on the site. Sorry but no. This is just an overload advert for a book providing the hopeless with false hope.

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