John Mulaney – New In Town – Doing Nothing

John Mulaney – New In Town – Doing Nothing

– Thank you for coming
to this show, by the way. I really do appreciate
you coming to a thing, because you didn’t have to, and it’s really easy
not to go to things. (laughing) It is so much easier not to
do things than to do them. That you would do anything
is totally remarkable. (laughing) Percentage wise, it is 100%
easier not to do things than to do them. And so much fun not to do them. Especially when you were
supposed to do them. In terms of instant relief,
canceling plans is like heroin. It is an amazing feeling.
(laughing) Such instant joy. Kids don’t like that. Kids always wanna do stuff. Kids get angry, they go, “Aw, we didn’t do
anything all day.” But you ever ask an adult what
they did over the weekend, and they say they didn’t do
anything, their faces light up. (laughing) Be like, “What’d you
do this weekend?” “I, um, I did nothing. “I did nothing at all. “Did we do anything? “No, I didn’t do anything.” (laughing) People especially don’t
wanna do their jobs. I’ve found that
out recently too. I have a friend named Megan. She’s an elementary
school teacher. And I was out with
her one night, and she was drinking
like a monster. (laughing) And I said to her, “Don’t
you have to do a shift “at school tomorrow?” And she went, “Ah, I’ll
just show a video.” And I was like, “That’s
why teachers show videos?” (laughing) She said this, she goes,
“Yeah, I don’t wanna work.” And I was like, “You know, “the kids don’t
wanna work either.” And she was like, “Good.” (laughing)

100 thoughts on “John Mulaney – New In Town – Doing Nothing

  1. This is how I'm feeling right now. It's easier to do nothing than to take my pills that I have to take to live and making food for Christmas.

    Edit: This is also true for teenagers. They tend to need more sleep orsomethingidunno.

  2. My parents are the opposite, im watching tv and making fanfics, then my mom and dad will come in and yell,'ALRIGHT WE HAVINT DONE ANYTHING ALL DAY LETS GO FOR A WALK TO THE PARK

  3. It's the opposite for me, lol. My mom wants to go out all the time and I just want to stay in bed and watch YouTube. She forces me to go out anyways cri. ;-;

  4. The one way teachers are never viewed when we're students. Human beings with real problems and faults. This genuinely has me wondering if any of my teachers pulled this.

  5. just cancelled on a BBQ with some pos excuse and now I'm watching this to justify my awful behavior :((

  6. "Cancelling plans is like heroine, it is an amazing feeling. Such instant joy." WELL IF THIS AIN'T ME I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS

  7. I don't like doing stuff. So when I say I didn't do anything all day, I get weird faces. Cause I like sleeping. Don't judge me

  8. Wait if that’s why teachers show videos my ELA teacher form last year has some explaining to do because we watched the entirety of the LotR trilogy

  9. we had a music teacher who would usually come in drunk as well lmao
    she'd be drunk and crying over…. something? I honestly never knew. and she'd send us to the back to play on the pianos and that would be class.

  10. this "not doing anything" bit is strikingly similar to Louis CK's opening bit on his latest special…

  11. I must be an adult and my father must be a ten year old then or we just swapped bodies for our lives

  12. I'm almost a teen and I love doing nothing, also drawing..every once in awhile. But I still love doing nothing, and I look a few years older than I am and at times act older, and act younger…but people still think I'm a bit older plus good and at few things I don't have as much as a clue to what on earth I am doing..soo how do I act my age, i have no clue and will probably never will.

  13. This is so funny to me because me and my mums reactions to doing nothing is completely switched, she hates being inside but I hate getting out of the house

  14. This reminds me of a New Yorker cartoon which shows a woman slouching on her sofa drooling and visibly high. The caption reads: "High on cancelled plans."

  15. Last year at school, I had a science teacher and not to be rude but he was getting pretty old, like he’s that teacher where other teachers go “Oh Mr.Scott, yeah he was my teacher.” He also had some pets, like 2 snakes and I think he ended up getting another one, and a pet mouse he named pretzel, and he had his classroom covered with different Star Wars stuff from different years, he had a toy Millennium Falcon on a shelf, and on another shelf he had a big Jar Jar Figure missing an ear, and the year he taught me was the year he was retiring, so at the last few months of the year he mainly showed videos, a lot of times making us right notes based off the video, he was one of my favorite teachers.

  16. 0:42
    Not me. When I was a kid I would hate to go shopping. No resturants I want food I say "Hey mom go can we have pizza? Make sure its delivery." I'm a girl and I absulutely hate going clothes shopping I still do its a waste of time I would say "Mom I am old enough (9 years old) to stay home alone." And she'd be like "No your not honey-" "BRUCE (my cat) WILL PROTECT ME WITH HIS LIFEEEEEE!!!!!"

  17. I'm an EA and I went drinking with the teacher I worked with. We both went into work the next day and she's like "Put on that damn video we found for our science period," and we hung out in the back nursing ourselves.

  18. Great, now whenever we watch Bill Nye I'll know its because my science teacher took too many shots of tequila

  19. John Mulaney's beaming face can light up an entire city during a blackout. (see freeze frame 0:57 to 1:01)

  20. We had a subject teacher where most of the time, he just shows us movies: A Quiet Place, House Of Wax, Baby Driver, Ready Player One, Deadpool.

  21. Omg i have never watched American stand-up before because I didn't think it could compare to British stand-up. HOLY SHIT I WAS WRONG John Mulaney is now my new favourite person ever

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