On Feeling Depressed

On Feeling Depressed

We’re not talking about the extreme, most paralysing, regions of despair – where external medical help is vital. Our target is rather the times when we feel – as indicated by Thoreau’s phrase – mired in moods of ‘quiet desperation’: a large, grey hinterland in which beneath an outward surface of endurance, we feel exhausted, close to tears, beyond the sympathetic understanding of others, easily irritated and daunted by the simplest tasks. There will probably have been certain triggers for our melancholy: an intimate rejection; a humiliation around work; the growing realisation that the ambitious plans of earlier years have come to very little… Unfortunately, sadness feels very taboo. Societies tend slyly to insist on cheerfulness. We end up not only struggling, but humiliated that we are in such difficulties. Yet, in truth, there is nothing more natural or routine than grief. We have so much to feel morose about: simply by virtue of being alive, we will inevitably so often feel badly misunderstood, unfairly criticised, overlooked and rejected. We will be struck by our own stupidity and appalled by our inner ugliness and cowardice. We will make some shockingly poor decisions, we will let others down – and will witness those we love suffer and die before ourselves having to give up the keys to life. The reasons for feeling low and demoralised touch more or less every one. It is the universality – the normality – of suffering that makes the sight of small happy children so poignant; we know, as they cannot yet, how much they are going to suffer – we don’t know the precise details but we know that in some way or another a distinctive range of horrors will, in time, befall them. Every day, almost without noticing it, we have to fight off a range of incoming powerful reasons not to despair. We rely on an internal engine or muscle of hope to pump out consoling thoughts. Then one day the task seems too much; the muscle can’t take it any more. At such times, we need to keep a few ideas in mind: For a start, that sorrow is not an individual failing; it is a basic reality for our entire species. We are so extremely sensitive, such fragile constructions, constantly exposed to danger; for the most part blind, hopeful without regard to reality and with unquenchable needs for love and sympathy. Our tribulations are a symptom of being human, never just a curse attached to our sliver of existence. Others, who might seem successful, buoyant and composed will travel, at moments they shield us from, to the same places of despair we have been exiled to. We live so close to ourselves, we know so much about our private failings, we miss that our flaws are general: present even in the outwardly placid, the beautiful, the rich, and the people next door. If only we could see into their minds, we would feel so much less alone. We are, it’s true, sometimes hard to be around. We’re easy to caricature as grumpy and a pain. But in truth, we’re sad rather than mean, anxious rather than bad. It’s hard to make our despair sound charming, to present ourselves in the way that would win us the compassion we so require. Yet we’re being harder on ourselves than we would be on a friend. We should – at the least – accord ourselves the same degree of forgiveness we wouldn’t hesitate to direct to an acquaintance. In the end, however tempting it is, we can’t just abandon our lives. There are too many people who rely on us (even if their presence doesn’t feel real right now). Above all, we don’t know the future. It’s the other side of our dependence on chance. Things can get slightly better for reasons it’s hard to foresee. Just as pleasures fade and can seem meaningless in retrospect, so pains (at least sometimes) can pass or soften. Things we thought we’d never be able to get over gradually become bearable; we adjust our mental posture, we stoop to accommodate a new reality. Being miserable does not exclude us from the human community. It’s a sure sign that we are very normal – and that life is progressing, in its own dark way, more or less exactly to plan.

100 thoughts on “On Feeling Depressed

  1. At this point of depression, I feel like no one would ever understand my problems and how struggling I am to handle my feelings

  2. They should get Nobel prizes for this and many other videos that has helped me (and perhaps many others) understands on "what's wrong" with ourselves (even after months and months pondering about it with no success).

    Thanks a lot School of Life! God bless you!

  3. What about when it's not your own failings, but others failing you? I told my mom earlier this week that I was suicidal. She was the only person that would understand why, so we planned to get together and talk about it today. Instead, I woke up to a text saying she couldn't make it because she was helping her friends with a food truck instead. This is a regular occurance in my life. Not just from her, but everybody. Everyone seems to have something more important to do than talk me through this, and it's making it so much worse. I want to die, but I cant kill myself. I'm afraid. What do I do?

  4. back when i started elementary school i was energetic,as soon as i got older i realized that nothing matters,now as I'm getting 21 in next month i got so depressed that i feel emotionally numb like the anime One-Punch man's Saitama he feels no joy that's how it's messed up but i have hope that i will get my emotions back.

  5. If you don't want to feel like a complete alien the "I'm fine" smile always works. People are just too eager to fall for that crap because life is all about happiness, love, pink balloons and jolly laughter.

  6. The problem I have is people saying they have depression like it's some type of joke or tend, that they have to follow, or they just make up stuff to get pity from people.

  7. Exercise gets the feel good endorphins going . I love dancing to music , even if I just dance alone it helps . But at times I have to force myself to do it . It's worth it in the end though . Trust me .

  8. yknow. i’m sick of having depression. i’ve cried so much that, literally, i have no tears left to cry. usually, when i really feel like crying, i just… can’t. i’ve been over this time and time again my body just isn’t bothered to feel and cry.

    edit: anyone got any answers or comments on this?? please reply.

  9. I was video chatting with my friend :

    Me : You know what depression is ? It's me.
    Her : You don't have a reason to be depressed.

  10. School is driving me insane due to difficulties with math and geometry. I’m not motivated to study because even if I study I will do badly in the exams anyway.

  11. Whats happening with me
    I am too much shy underconfidnet
    Since 24 sep 2017 my favourite teacher of chemistry ms vanita khanna left our school and moved to other that feeling is eating me from inside she loved all students equally but i had a very specaial bond with her her voice her personality her jokes her learning methods were best in the world…
    Since then ..
    I dont like anything i cried i feel her memories
    Her voice ..
    Her scoldings..
    Her motivation that inspire me the most
    I cant forget her
    Since that day i most of the time lie on my bed and eat too much
    Now no one calls me uo to play
    I want to play
    But i am lazy i dont like to play
    Whats happening….
    I am getting stuck
    I am not focusing on my love to parents my hobbies my carrer my goals..

    She inderstand me so well.i have her no.
    But fear of rejection is frightning me
    I feel she wouldnt have forgoten me but i cant forget her

    She us in my veins every cell

    I am depressed

  12. I had depression for years and I fought it and got out of it. What I did is try to find something new, for me mountain biking, that actually makes you happy and not think about it for a while. I hope this helps.

  13. I have to fake happiness when it’s worse than normal they notice and I have to say I got bad sleep and I always feel like anti depression commercials more of blame us than help

  14. I can’t do this anymore. I’m too young and I feel if I kill myself it won’t bring anything good and the people I love will just be crushed. I don’t know what to do.

  15. I been depressed since I was 11
    And I try not to think of suicide and bad thoughts. I felt useless and hopeless. I try to stay positive but I cant. I recently got in a fight and it made things worse.
    I'm 13 now and I'm trying to stay positive and u can try. Please dont think of suicide or bad things. I dont know I have depression though and I dont think I have.

    This video helped me alot
    Thanks for the info

  16. I just wish that there was a different way to escape life other than suicide. Sucks living every day being under a dark cloud.

  17. Me and other 30% of population: My life is meaningless and I want to die
    Boomers: our life was harder you are alive so be happy lol

  18. It's a question of degrees. You can mull over a minor incident for hours .. not really depression .. but wrestling with that negative voice goes on and on. Like the singer who gets nine glowing reviews but can't dismiss review 10 .. the one with the sting.

  19. The reason I feel depressed is because i feel misunderstood by my lover lately and i just feel like my life is like a turtle…its moving too slow! Why cant i get to the good part and keep it in arms reach!?

  20. Honestly if I could, I'd just end it all. The world I mean. I think it's time to bring this inane, repetitive and throughly bleak play to an end. Because if this is living, it's not worth it.

  21. Buồn lâu ngày sẽ sinh ra trầm cảm, vì vậy mỗi khi buồn chúng ta hãy làm cho mình bận rộn, học để thu thập thêm kiến thức cho mình cũng là 1 trong những cách. Biết đâu 1 ngày nào đó bạn có cơ hội nhận được việc làm tốt hơn, hãy xem qua link này nhé: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YqM2_2omoY

  22. I feel depressed, but I feel it everyday. I can be so happy and all, but then someone will say something or something will happen and I will go crazy and just break deep inside.

  23. Sometimes. You just can't tell anybody how you really feel. Not because you don't know why. Not because you don't know your purpose. Not because you dont trust them. But because you can't find the right words to make them understand.

  24. im like a human without a heart i cant feel anythink i only smile but it is a fake smile the only think that keeps me alive is video games. 😞🤐

  25. I don’t know if I’m depressed I wouldn’t wanna say i feel that way but today as in right now I feel sad, scared and I don’t know the reason for it someone help and tell me what that’s about

  26. all my life has been depressed just because of my parents divorce and I still don’t feel any better I’m insecure because people call me names like fatty and stuff and now I don’t feel like life is good

  27. I think that polishing mental illness has leaked into our global culture, from Hollywood to music to social media, and mental illness has been portrayed as desirable and attractive.

    But anyone who suffers from this disease-depression-will tell you that there is nothing desirable or attractive in this suffering.

  28. i've been depressed from 2010 and still, i haven't found how to overcome my depression. i kept faking a smile and forcing a laugh. even solve other's problem, but when it comes to me, i can't help myself tho, i can't do anything to myself. all i can do? crying and thinking of how to get rid this shit. depression is real, struggle is here. i just feel guilty to my fiancee. he did everything just to makesure i'm not feel depressed but there's no progress at all. we've been 1year 2months already. he just knew that i've depression when we're having dinner with his family which is exactly on our 1year anniversary. it's been two months he knew and still work hard to help me overcome depression. i felt so embrassed and useless as his fiancee.😞😟 who'd experience this? how did you guys solve it?😔😞

  29. In fact I enjoy my melancholic mood and enjoy living alone .. I think in the beginning everything looks tough and intolerable.but after while it either becomes "normal" or in best cases "joyful".

  30. From childhood i feel numb like it's all dream one day someone will wake up me from this nightmare.. And i will be fine in my real world i am just waiting for that time.. When someone will wake me.. It's so hard to live these days life seem so painful.. SOMEONE PLEASE WAKE ME FROM THIS NIGHTMARE

  31. Depression is the failure of capitalism after communism, when humans are turned into robots to produce for consumerism.

    We were born free but turned into slaves for corporations from the so called school system designed to switch us off.

  32. at the park

    Mom: so yeah Johnny’s doing really good, how about yours?

    Me: he does not know yet how much he is going to suffer

  33. What a fucking rollercoaster of emotions. It's not for the truly depressed, it's not for the mildly depressed and yet manages to cater to and belittle, both.

  34. I'm no expert , but I think I have been throught several depressive episodes through the last 3 years , it was essentially due to loneliness , and spending too much time alone , my brain didn't send me alarm signals , untill it was too late , drowning deep in the sea of loneliness , with NOONE to talk to , but then I realised that I found the major cause of my depression , so I worked on it little by little , I reached out to old friends , some of them didn't respond , but a FEW of them DID , and Now I have few , yet I would say solid friendships , I feel supported , and not isolated , I started to enjoy life again , doing stuffs I like again , and stopped being disabled by the negative thoughts , I set up a few rules , and now I feel like I'm making great progresses , every day might be a challenge , but I so confident about myself , don't give up , dig deep into your feelings , and try to deal with them , little by little , you should do fine in a while

  35. I hate life I never planned to have kids in my adulthood and most of the adults that I see now and at the moment smoke and tell me not to smoke themselves they’re fucking disgusting 🤬🤬😡😡🤬🤬😡😡🤬🤬even if I don’t smoke I can still use a lighter I’m not fucking scared of fire the past and the future is the same and that’s all in fucking aswell you can’t get back what’s in the past oh I’ve still got a long time at school but I don’t know what’s around the corner oh no just useless stuff that makes me feel feel like a prisoner for 15 years and then 45 fucking years of making lots of money by going work it’s all fucking useless especially work and as a fucking teenager I can’t even learn how to drive then no matter of how fucking harder of the days at school 😒😒 I hate sleeping at night and hate waking up in the morning everyone in life is just literally fake like

  36. Lol even a teenager can tell you having fucking dumb and useless life is because you’ve feel like a kid that still and yet can’t drive yet

  37. Everyone always says it gets better but it only seems to get slightly better then horribly worse. When you've tried everything, what do you even do?

  38. Just posted status that I was mentally exhausted, my friend complained what my mind exhausted about. I said to her nothing while actually exhausted of society. I guess only me understanding myself ;-;

  39. You have absolutely no idea how deeply I connect to your videos, and how soothing the narrator’s voice is to me.
    The eloquence… the choice of words… the precise hit in the feels. Invaluable.

  40. "It often happens that sorrow makes one ill; this can be cured by spiritual means." "Thy name is my healing, O my God, and remembrance of Thee is my remedy. Nearness to Thee is my hope, and love for Thee is my companion. Thy mercy to me is my healing and my succor in both this world and the world to come. Thou, verily, art the All-Bountiful, the All-Knowing, the All-Wise." ~ Baha'i Faith

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