Dan Soder – Tucson Hog-Tie – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored

Dan Soder – Tucson Hog-Tie – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored

– Don’t get weird. I know it’s weird right now, but I’m not fuckin’ dead. I’m here. I’m telling the story. All right? You can unclench your buttholes. This isn’t– This isn’t ghost comedy.[upbeat music]How you doing, ladies? Can I interest you in a… threesome?Welcome to “This Is Not Happening.”I’m your host, Roy Wood Jr. […]

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Chris Redd – Trapped in Atlanta – Uncensored

Chris Redd – Trapped in Atlanta – Uncensored

I love Atlanta, man. I was in the airport for five hours ’cause they got two inches of snow and shut the whole city down. That shit was amazing to me, man. People left their cars on the highway. They saw two inches of snow and said, “Fuck this,” and got out of the car. […]

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Chris D’Elia – White Male. Black Comic. – Black Dudes Are the Best Laughers

Chris D’Elia – White Male. Black Comic. – Black Dudes Are the Best Laughers

D’Elia: MAN, BLACK DUDES ARE THE BEST LAUGHERS, HANDS DOWN, FOR REAL, RIGHT. [ APPLAUSE ] THAT’S SO — THAT’S A WHITE DUDE CLAPPING AT THAT. I DON’T KNOW WHY. THAT’S SUPER WEIRD. THAT’S SO WEIRD. THAT’S SO WEIRD THAT A WHITE GUY’S JUST LIKE, “YEAH! I LOVE IT WHEN BLACK DUDES LAUGH!” LIKE, LET […]

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John Mulaney – New In Town – Doing Nothing

John Mulaney – New In Town – Doing Nothing

– Thank you for coming to this show, by the way. I really do appreciate you coming to a thing, because you didn’t have to, and it’s really easy not to go to things. (laughing) It is so much easier not to do things than to do them. That you would do anything is totally […]

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Bert Kreischer – Fighting a Bear – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored

Bert Kreischer – Fighting a Bear – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored

The machine, Mr. Bert Kreischer, everybody. Let him hear it. [cheers and applause] I fought a bear one time. [laughs] I know–It sounds as ridiculous to me as it does to you. But I used to have a show calledHurt Bert.It was on FX, and I used to take new men’s dangerous jobs. Every week, […]

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At the Mercy of the Magic 8-Ball – Review – Comedy Central

At the Mercy of the Magic 8-Ball – Review – Comedy Central

For the rest of the day, every decision I have to make, every question life throws at me, I will run it by the Magic 8 Ball and do what it tells me. And in order to keep the rest of the world in the dark about this rather odd practice, I’m gonna keep the […]

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Key & Peele – Shady Landlord

Key & Peele – Shady Landlord

– THAT’S TRUE. [pounding at door] – IT’S YOUR LANDLORD! [pounding continues] – HEY, DEVON. – HEY, HOW YOU DOING, BROTHER? HOW YOU DOING? YEAH. JUST, UH, STOPPING BY. JUST WANTED TO CHECK UP ON EVERYTHING. – OKAY. – YEAH–AHA! YOU IN HERE, YOU LITTLE MOTHER[bleep]? NOPE. CLOSET LOOK GOOD. DOOR IS STRONG. SO Y’ALL […]

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Jim Breuer – Bombing in Sears – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored

– So I go, “I have sent six of my Libyan missiles “to blow up the Sears hardware department “in Valley Stream, Long Island. ♪ “Ha-lama-ya-am-aya ♪ Yam-ay-ya-ai-ai-ia-ia” [intense hip-hop music]♪[cheers and applause] – Welcome to “This Is Not Happening.” I’m your host, Ari Shaffir, and today the topic is crime. [cheers and applause] You […]

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Doug Smith – Stabbed in the Face – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored

Doug Smith – Stabbed in the Face – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored

– She goes “Oh, my God.You have a massive laceration on your face.” And I looked down, and there’s just blood just cascading down my face onto my jacket trickling onto my shoe, and I go, “Is it bad?” She goes, “It appears to be quite severe.”[dark electronic music]– [indistinct shouting] – Huh? Huh? Huh? […]

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Nick Thune: Good Guy – Legal Weed – Uncensored

Nick Thune: Good Guy – Legal Weed – Uncensored

I wanna be a good guy, and that should be your first clue that I’m a bad guy. Good guys don’t say that. They’re just that. So the fact that I’m striving for something that I’m not, that, you know… is a good sign? It’s a good… It’s a great sign, right? [cheers and applause] […]

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