WE READ COURTNEY’S MIDDLE SCHOOL DIARY

WE READ COURTNEY’S MIDDLE SCHOOL DIARY


Then I started talking to him, *keith hysterically laughing* So guys, honestly, what are we doing here? Cuz I, I she has, she has a stack of uh diaries. Alright guys, uh– The works of Marcel Proust right there Smart joke Shane having a mental breakdown questioning life (Adjusts Microphone) Ok Great! πŸ™‚ WOOOOOOOW! Wait hold on we had a pause for audio but go ahead say that Proust joke again Go ahead. Oh, I said you have the entire works of Marcel Proust right there. (Laughs weirdly formal) Okay (Chuckles) We know Smosh fans also love french literature. (Everyone Laughing) So, yeah These are my diaries from sixth through seve– six, seven, eight, ninth grade Ninth grade! Wow, you beefed up. uh, this is like half-filled, though it’s, like, pretty empty And, I think I stopped mid year this was my like emo year wait is that the year when you have a headphones on that’s the year, the emo haircut – Yeah and you went in the wrong bathroom Wow, Nice This is so private and I feel like I want to give you money for doing this. I’m shaking right now I’m, like, kinda through a little bit of anxiety right now We should say you hand-picked some entries Yeah. No, there’s some in here That we cannot look at. We have some drawings in here, of penises. Hold on, hold on. I drew a lot of penises as a kid. But, um, there is a journal entry WHAT?! We’ve talked about this. Oh yeah, There’s a journal entry Where, um, a kid sent me a dick pic and I drew it into my diary… WHAT?! That is actually hilarious someone sent you a dick pic at this point in your life We should say– um, 7th or 8th grade pause Don’t… Any of you guys, don’t send dick pics Don’t do it So wrong. Or else, it’ll be in someone’s diary for 20 years and they’re gonna show people Ok, Court. So what did you… what did you… you do Basically the way I would write in my journal for some reason I remember everybody said to me so when I would write in my diary, it was like a book. Like, I would write ‘he said this’ like word-for-word and ‘I said this’ and then I also (Duck farts) Would transcribe AIM conversations. Guys, if you think i have a few screws loose now… They were missing before… Yeah, we should we should point out that if Courtney ever murders someone, this… these are clear warning signs That we… overlooked. She’ll write it down. We’re missing right now, just… r/wooosh Yeah, right now. Speaking of, It’s okay. I’m like shaking right now You wrote out *scripts*?! Yes, we– so since they were transcribed, the dialogue was so much, there was so much! *clap* We decided to script some out… um We have a couple of conversations… Most of them with this guy that we’re gonna call Johnny today. There was a boy– What’s his real name? *fake laugh* So we’re gonna be reading these scripts today. We’re gonna have some people, different castings For each of these scripts of this amazing art that I created as a child So, so you want us to cold-read all of this? We’re gonna cold read this @#*%. I would just say some backstory So there was the kid Johnny. It was, like, we started ‘dating’ in 6th grade But then he was mean to my friend So I dumped him but then like for literally all the way till ninth grade it was like on and off like I like don’t like you, but I love you But I– oh my god I hate you I need to explain! I was very boy crazy. That’s literally the entire topic– Well you sound like a middle school girl… We are gonna be doing a cold read. A cold read means they’ve never read it before, They haven’t seen these and haven’t really Seen my diaries either. Well… And they’re going to… Good thing we’ve all taken five cold reading classes! Yeah, yeah… were all in it Since we were six. So they’re gonna be acting out and also learning what’s in my diary As well, at the same time I’m a very serious actor. So the first one is called “What Are You Doing?” by seventh grade Courtney. So hold on. You would title your diary entries… No, no. I just… –seventh grade Courtney the hearts book? Seventh grade Courtney is the hearts book, yes. With the stickers all over this one All right who’s gonna get cast? I think, ok. I think for this one… Noah, you’re gonna do great don’t worry, I mean We all are winners. Yeah. Noah, I would like you to be Johnny. *#@$%^*@^$#%@% He’s our Johnny?! How about you be Johnny? I’m just really excited to see what he does with Johnny. Yeah I’m Johny Noah, Go, goo d… good for you You really worked hard. #%^&*%^$%##$%Y*( …oh my god… No, I didn’t… I didn’t get it Maybe next one, huh? You know, maybe boisy (?) is funny. *shane and the producer/cameraman dude literally start dying of laughter* That one’s the saddest Alright, and then– You guys might be Johnny later, though Yeah. Shane, I think… I think I want you to play Courtney this time. Oh, that’s fine. That’s the lead, right? (Entire crew laughs) Shane, I need you to hit it like three times. Yeah you gotta be that girl. (Whip sound effect) Yeah hit it. Watch that scene *Courtney screeching* GOD! Hit it. *sigh* Ok. Johnny was, like uhh just like a dumb kid (Sad laughter) Aww Court, He’s, like, 12. Uh, yeah. He, like, played video games, he was super– He was just… he thought he was *such* a player Like You’re 12! Yall’ were on and off Yeah, it’s like he was telling you all that he was like leading me on purpose What? YOU’RE 12 CHILL! You should have beat him up, you know, I love with him, of course You’re breaking down Johnny. I just wanna break down of seventh grade Courtney. Yeah, yeah I don’t want to give you guys too much to see what you guys Ok, YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH Thats fine thats fine We’re not going out at this point, but we would always like flirt and like talk on the phone and text a lot. Where would you go you’re 12? Go out like be boyfriend. the cafeteria First off Hug quick. I just listed the first page you added like stage direction a little bit just a little bit So you guys understood what was going on Okay, so many of these were text or AIM Some were in person, but regardless of what’s happening like it’s just it’s an in-person conversation So, what are you doing? (Cool Piano Riff) Dear diary it’s one of those nights again. I was texting Johnny and this is basically how it went Hey, Hey Were texting now, so what’s up You’re hot hit it Thanks Uh you too… Thats good HIT IT (Unknown sounds to mankind) So, what are you doing watching people eat you, Watching TV exciting. Yes it is And he didn’t reply then I started talking Again a cat being murdered Then I started talking to him on AIM an hour later, this is it Hey, hey baby, how are you? What? Good now and you be more specific haha. I’m good. Oh Cool LOL! , you know, I Really wanted to kiss you on the last day of school, but you walked away Hit it… WHEN?! Why didn’t you on the last day of school when you hugged me, by the way? I didn’t know you liked homestar runner O-m-g. Yeah, haha. But anyways, I Really wanted to be your second makeout girl WHAT?! UGH GROSS COURT! Who have you made out with a Guy named Alex from another school That was a lie Not with any girls loooool That was also a lie Okay. Well, I gotta go. I love you. Bye. Sorry. Gotta go (Intense Laughter) Jesus Christ… Sorry gotta go bye sorry gotta go What was – I think what really stood out was I really wanted to be your second makeout girl. I I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS I Feel like that was an inside joke, no, no seventh Grade #*%$ You makeout with someone like once and it’s like oh, well, I guess I can’t be his first kiss. I’m gonna be his second makeout That was great good job guys that was really good Keep those, those are for you This one is called payback time OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!! 8th grade Courtney 8th grade Courtney is the – the velvet book the gray one 8th grade yeah was velvet. Uh this one got covered In cottage cheese in my backpack, so that’s why there’s a postcard taped to the top. I’m actually curious like UGHHHH OH MY GOD HELL NO You sure Johnny isn’t on the cover. Oh my god! I was in 8th Grade! (Shane dies) Sorry bad joke Bad bad joke who should play for payback time? I Really want to see Keith as Courtney and then personally and you should you should recast Shane and I already did it. So everyone else So Keith be me. Keith is Courtney Miller . And uh Damien, Will you be Johnny? Wow…. you get Johnny The Johnny saga continues, . So the back sorry for this one was like the night before in the diary I was like, I’m gonna spend so much time with Johnny today. I’m gonna like I’m getting like me and stuff Mmn Nice Come on Johnny is this conversation in person? This is in person I believe Some of it might not be i’m not sure. WEHHHHHH! Alright so this is payback time (Cool Piano Riff) Today was great At lunch. I was walking up to the building and Johnny came over to me Hmn! Johnny He walked – He walked with me up to the field and we looked at the clouds and both saw the same shape. Oh Oh, is that a triangle. Yeah, this looks like a parallelogram. Well when everyone was leaving the field Johnny was just holding my wrist So when he was talking to someone else I moved it to my hand. I feel really uncomfortable Then you can let go you’re the best at holding hands seriously, no other girl is better at holding hands than you What the $*#& ?! I was all smiling my outfit wasn’t even that cute like it was alright, so it shows that he likes me for who I am He loves me he told me he loves me like not the stupid unmeaning full of a meaningful way a meaningful way He really truly meant it. I was talking to him like on the phone like always wait you like me, right? Yeah Yeah, there was a long pause I want to know your feelings and stuff. Oh, ^*#% he was saying I’m a nice girl and a good friend and I was like, oh, Well, you’re pretty hot girl, well, that’s not what I was asking well then what are you asking I wanna know if you like me Well, yeah, yeah like you what are you wearing socks ooh Want to send pics are you serious? I totally am I don’t think so. Why not? Because that would ruin stuff between us so nothing could ruin stuff cuz we are best friends Oh That’s all I am to you? ): Do you not agree? Do the words I love you mean nothing, you know, I do love you. You’re an amazing friend Oh Bye, honey Huh? Friends don’t get sock pics So then my best friend Sam told me that Johnny called her boyfriend and told him to break up with her and get a new girl so I called him back and I was like What did you do? I just told Devan that he could do better than Sam. I got so pissed you’re a jerk I never want to talk to you again And then I hung up This is hilarious Oh *&$^ I’m never going to talk to him again! first he treats me like ^@%# then he tells me he loves me and then later meant as a friend and wants pictures of me?! Then he then he went and ruined Sam’s relationship with Devon PAYBACK TIME DUN DUN DUN I’m gonna- (Laughs) I’m gonna get Chad MacDevryn yeah, Chad McDevryn and make Johnny super jealous once and for all I’m gonna wear a miniskirt tomorrow Johnny’s officially now on my hate list what the &@#^$ did I see in him like really he’s dead meat he’s dead meat Oh my god, since all right there another guy. I have to hit on someone Another guy have to hit tomorrow. You’re gonna hit somebody keep reading it Oh my god, because at PE today Sam was getting bullied by all these guys and she was crying I’m gonna punch them in the face tomorrow As!*#&@$ What the (@ Courtney? what is wrong with you? Oh I don’t know man I like that you had the self-esteem not to send sock pics, even though he was pressuring you. What ended up happening. Do you remember? Oh, yeah Honestly probably just went to school and was like, I reset that that morning – did you wear a miniskirt that day? Probably That was good that was a doosey Johnny’s definitely weird Johnny was so not for you. I think you made the right decision Guys don’t date Johnny man. Okay Listen, she just said that’s not the end of Johnny though. That’s not the end of Johnny? No! Don’t date Johnnies!Whoever would be in the position of Johnny don’t be a Johnny Don’t ask for sock pics unless you’re willing to commit (Cool Piano Riff) Damien I think we’d like you to – oh I’d love to. I did not dare dream Johnny is not in this. No Johnny? No this is just me I’m presenting today a piece from Courtney’s journal. Diary entitled choice : a monologue : Rising, (Laughing) : Rising?! One *Burp* One whole day (Everyone laughs) I hate you! *BURP* I Wasn’t doing that at that point but alright A whole day of not writing in you and I have so much to say so Johnny and I have been flirting a lot but Samantha sit (I don’t even know how to describe this) Still gossips about dumb things. So guess what? Johnny wants to go out with me, but he can’t decide between me and Erica WHO’S ERICA?! I *Burp* should have seen this coming. I found out today that Johnny and I have tons in common. We both love the xbox 360 game burnout paradise You said that like a parent and we both like the Truman Show *Burp* UGH I HAVE THE HICCUPS! I bet he’ll pick Erica because she has bigger boobs (Everyone Laughs) In 7th grade it’s a valid argument This is what I’m wearing to school tomorrow *shows outfit* You know what Right before he chooses No, I’m going to slap him across the face and say what is this a beauty pageant? *Burp* Then Leave He Just wants to flirt with both of us but he has to choose This is Gladiator know, WHAT IS THIS ?! ARE YOU NOT ELAUGH?! But if he has gone through this much trouble trying to decide that just shows just not the right guy oh My arms are so sore I’m going to ask dad if he can write me a note for PE. Yeah, I’ll do that (Again how do you even describe this) Okay, so my outfit is different now ILY *Burp* Bye! (Everyone bursts in laughter) Interior monologue town two days later recites poem can I get some like bongos? (Totally rad bongos) Alright… (Everyone Laughs) Wow you’re so Brave There’s still more? YES! He hasn’t answered any of my calls… But I shouldn’t feel bad He led me on then cut me down. Although I’m sad that we are over, but I’m over Him… It’s time to move on I should *BUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPP* clean myself up And find a new guy, oh yay, this sounds fun a new guy. Love you. Bye Everyone Claps Thank you, Thank you Courtney I would have been so happy if you actually went up to him and slapped him in the face And said, what is this a beauty pageant? I Think I did slap him once Well, yeah, I don’t remember the context Did you ever talk to your sisters like about what was going on when you were a kid? No, no No, I understand the Diaries cuz I when I was a kid I was telling you before we shot this I always wanted Diaries and when I finally got one it was too much work to write man. Yeah. Yeah, same thing. Yeah. Sure So yeah, this one’s called. What do you want? What do you want? What do you want? It’s my favorite. Justin Bieber song I’d love for you to play Johnny. Okay fine. Okay. Yeah, okay, and then I want you to play me. All right. All right Finale Scoot on over I like that you probably were writing this later cuz you wrote interior, &$^%^@ whatever Me and Johnny we were not dating we were I think there may have been some time. We were ignoring each other Sometimes that was a thing. So this is what do you want? (Cool Piano Riff) Last night was crazy Johnny was all saying how bad he felt for hurting me and that he felt so strong for me And he always thinks about me I think of him too, but I can’t be with him. I can’t risk getting hurt again. He’s texting me Hi what? I hate him… (Giggling) She’s Gone! He made me cry last night I hate him he hurt me so much I just sucked can’t take another burn He takes my heart rips it up throws it on the ground Stomps on it picks it back up and slaps it right back on me. I just sent this message to him Okay, look I don’t hate you I don’t like you I don’t love you And I’m sorry if you want me, but you can’t hurt me so much and expect me to love you Anyway, people say that you just like me because I’m all you can get I’m not out to get a boyfriend right now I don’t want to get hurt if it’s possible to get hurt then I already have and I’m sorry But I don’t think I can handle us being friends either Well Whatever you want, it’s not true You’re not all I can get you’re all that I want but whatever you want. It’s your life. Not mine I respect that. Is that it? What am I to you a meal? If so you eat quick and go through a lot of meals Sorry. Court?. Sorry, but I’m not on the menu OHHHHHHHHHHHHH MLG AIR HORNS DINGS THE BELL LIKE 1 MILLION TIMES PICK IT UP! Want some fries with that? Take it to go Stop it. You’re silly similes. I have liked you for so long There is no other girl. I would rather have by have I just mean to hug and to hold Nothing pervish. That’s all I’ve known you as pervish. Not anymore Courtney Especially not with you. What the *@^# do you want from me? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Maybe there’s still hope Whoa what if him and I actually worked out what what if things were great But what if he hurts me again? No, I’m asking… What do you want from me? I just want you no one else nothing else (Double Paper Drop) (Everyone applauding) Court.. Hold on can you talk about the meal bit please That was a good simile, I’m sorry, but I’m not on the menu You established the metaphor and then you brought it back she brought it all the way Also Johnny knew the difference between a simile and a metaphor I like I actually like that Courtney was talking about like what if things would work out because I’ll tell you what She was saying all that stuff, but every time someone is aggressively saying like nah. No. You are still in the back of your head. Maybe thinking am I making the right choice? Right? Right. That’s some real &$*@ That’s the real *#@^ You guys are kids yeah, this is kids different that was straight-up normal we just didn’t record it when he did that Yeah, that was that was so normal and like I think probably relatable to a lot of people watching this, right? Yeah, cuz Johnny was a brick wall. No emotion No brain, and you were just pissed because you wanted a reaction and he has never giving it. He was always like okay cool Maybe we can hold hands Your better than anybody is. That’s purvy. I’m not I’m not Purvish and I just want a hug. I’m not purvy. I love you guys. It lasted from 6th to 9th grade? Um, that was just um, like there’s lots more in here that I’m sure we could delve into I just was scared I’m just finished. I want the cameras to see their reaction to this dick pic drawing Wow, what is that way more crude then I was expecting. Yep, because he’s 12. I’m sending your 12 year old penis anywhere. You should not be sending that anywhere Is that his belly button? Yeah I drew his belly button. Is that downward? It’s on an angle! OOOOPAH!! What year was that? 8th Grade. Like what year?For you that’s 2007? I’m gonna say this 2007 wait fourth. Oh wait Yeah Man alright well if you liked this and you want more diary entries or anything weird like that Hold on Courtney can we give you a hug? You guys are so excepting of this nutcase Alright guys hit the bell. You want to watch that next diary entry video when it comes. All right. Love you guys so much See you in the next one Guys, please be nice to me in the comments share this video with anybody You know who has a diary if you want to watch this other fun video hit the Box on the left or if you want To watch something just for you if that box on the right. Love you. Please be nice to me in comments

53 thoughts on “WE READ COURTNEY’S MIDDLE SCHOOL DIARY

  1. My aunt looks and acts pretty much exactly like Courtney. (Also same age) I would go as far as saying full doppelgÀnger in my opinion. I LOVE it🀣

  2. I rather be best friend zoned because my crush mom zoned me. Every time we talk he calls me mom πŸ˜”

  3. I was five minutes in and I was laughing my ass off πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  4. Noah: Are you sure Johnny isn't on the cover?
    Court: OH MY GOD! I was in eighth grade Noah!
    Shayne: AHAHAAAHAHAAA!!
    Noah: Sorry. Sorry, sorry. Bad joke, bad joke!
    me=deaddddπŸ˜‚ (8:42)

  5. Oh my god this made me remember my own high school diary so much..even if it was a few years ago, it still makes my heart stop..

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *